笑话网一、英语笑话大全精选
1、A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一个传教士在买鹦鹉
“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗？”传教士问。
“哦，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主保证说。
“你看见它腿上的这些细绳了吗？当你拉动右面的这根，它会背诵天主经，当你拉动左面的那根，它会背诵赞美诗”
“太棒了！”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两条绳子，会发生什么呢？”
“我会从树干上掉下去的，你这个笨蛋！”鹦鹉尖声说道。
2、At the cleaner’s, I noticed the sign “In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m. ” so I told the owner that I wanted to pick my clothing up at five. “it won’t be ready,” he said.
“But your sign says, ‘In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m.’,” I reminded him.
“Oh,” he replied, “that means me.
在洗衣店，我看到招牌上写着：“上午10点进，下午5点出。”因此我就告诉店主我想在下午5点取衣。“下午5点还不能取，”他说。 “但是你的牌子上写着：‘上午10点进，下午5点出’，”我提醒他说。
“哦，”他回答说，“那指的是我。”
3、A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach’s hurting because it’s empty. It’ll be all right when you’ve got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That’s because it’s empty, said his bright son. You’d be all right if you had something in it.
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。
二、英语笑话大全推荐
1、Wherever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour ,it vibrated terribly, so I decided to sell it.
My first customer wanted to buy the car, and I battled with my conscience over whether or not to tell him of the vehicle’s problem. Finally I did the right thing.
Expecting him to drop the deal, I was surprised by his reply.
That’s okay, he said. I’m buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration, I’ll know she’s driving too fast.
每当我驾驶我那辆旧车时速超过55英里时，它就剧烈地震动起来，所以我决定卖掉它。
我的第一位买主想买这辆车。围绕是否告诉他这辆车的问题，我经历了一番与良心的较量。终于我做对了。
我想他会放弃这个交易，却对他的回答吃了一惊。
那没什么，他说，我是给我女儿买这车的。如果她抱怨震动的话，那我就知道她开得太快了。
2、One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.
The mother exclaimed, But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn’t do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。
妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了！我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么？
小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。
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